Added: Jaime Scheele - Date: 21.10.2021 22:40 - Views: 40644 - Clicks: 1560
Search Search. Menu Sections. QI'VE been living a no-win scenario for the past few months. I'm going through what must the worst case of unrequited love ever. I am deeply in love with a woman who can now only be described as a "slut". She takes offence at this description, but then goes on to do the things that only a slut would do.
She started working a year ago in the restaurant where I work, and I slowly fell for her. One night she was drunk and asked me to kiss her. I did, and from then on followed three months of total bliss.
We were so good for each other and she meant the world to me and I loved to make her laugh. I felt I had met my soulmate. One problem though: She was, and still is, living with a guy whom she claims to love, but whom she continually cheats on once she has drink in her. She is a compulsive flirt, and messes with her hair all the time, wanting all the guys to look at her. I get angry when she does this. In fact, I feel she does it just to make me angry.
It's working. She means the world to me - but of late, things have gone from bad to worse. I've done lo of things to try to get back in her good books. On her birthday, she hated me with a passion, but I still went ahead and bought her a birthday present.
She wasn't one bit appreciative. The following week, a relative of hers died and I attended the funeral. When I approached to sympathise, she turned to stone, even though she wept in the arms of other friends. Recently, I have become more and more angry at her flirtatious nature. And I'm angry too at the fact that even though she is cheating on her boyfriend - who, incidentally, is also cheating on her - it's not him she's hurting, it's me. Their relationship exists purely as a convenience. I treated her like a princess, but I guess I got too possessive. I've cried so many nights over her, and I don't see this trend ending soon.
I just can't get her out of my head. We exchanged some spiteful texts a while ago that really cut deep. She said I was the worst thing that ever happened to her. That really hurt. I also waited for her outside work one day to try to talk to her, but she ran off. She then described me to a friend as a 'freak'. I felt like looking in the mirror to make sure I wasn't a monster. And she claimed she'd made a complaint to the gardai about my nuisance calls.
I admit I may have gone overboard, but I don't have a criminal record, and I don't want one. There's a big difference between intentionally being a nuisance, and just being perceived as one. Unfortunately, however, slutty looking girls I did is punishable by law. But, being a slut is not a crime. The Christmas party is in January, and I know in my heart that she'll kiss someone as soon as she does what she does best - get drunk. I'll then be angry, and it will all get even worse. All my friends say the same thing - get her out of your head, she's not worth it.
But the more she hates me, the harder I try to make it up with her, even though I'm not the one doing the flirting and the cheating. I know she will always be a cheat, and that I could never go out with her because of this, but I still love her so much. It's not even sexual. All I want to do right now is hug her. I'm as easy-going as they come. But I can be easily hurt. And I think she might sleep with someone just to destroy me. I've felt slutty looking girls, and have been suffering from a severe depression since she went off with someone one night last June.
I was told that my suicide would, if I were lucky, inflict a mere day-long guilt trip on her. But she'd probably be relieved, and rejoice that she could now flirt in peace. Things look like they might go from bad to worse. Get ahead of the day with the morning headlines at 7. Enter address This field is required Up. She was so sweet and kind and loving in the beginning. Now she is loose, selfish and has no conscience about being easy.
Behind that sweet facade is a devil woman. And I fell into a hell that I helped to create. I'd never hurt her, but I know she will always hurt me, and enjoy it. She even succeeded in turning her sister, some of her friends, and my own father against me. He hasn't actually said it, but he probably thinks I'm a stalker. This has done wonders for my ego.
They know her side of the story, not mine. And I won't even bother telling them. I know that no matter how hard I try, I cannot change her. This is just who she is and as long as she is working near me, I will inflict emotional torture upon myself. Like I said, this is a hopeless scenario. ALIFE demands that we make decisions, from issues as simple as when it is safe to cross the road to questions as complex as the morality of war.
Luckily, we are deed by nature not only to make such decisions by using our brain and heart and instinct, but to actually enjoy making decisions - think of a very young child and how he always wants to do it his way. And it goes further. As human beings we actually need to make our own decisions, to call it as we see it. That is an integral part of being an individual. We're not robots, we're slutty looking girls. On the other hand, we also make mistakes, make the wrong call.
Who said it? To err is to be human. It's also an integral part of being an individual. The problem is, some mistakes are easy to accept - like taking the wrong turn on a complicated road journey - and some are very hard to slutty looking girls. It takes a long time to concede that we've married the wrong man or woman, which is why marital breakdown hurts so much, and why the hurt goes on for so long.
I think what I've learned over the years is that the mistakes which are hardest to accept are the ones which are loaded with emotion. Parents find it so terribly hard to accept that they got something wrong, because they feel so guilty.
After all, you're supposed to know how to parent, you're supposed to love your children, so how could you damage them with your behaviour? Of course, all parents do. In fact, in many ways, parenting is an exercise in damage limitation - trying to get it right, trying to suppress our own demons, trying to avoid passing on our own hurt and anxiety and anger. And, of course, we get it wrong very often when it comes to romantic love. Because so many emotions ride piggyback on such love - our sense of ourselves, our hopes and fears about the opposite sex, our desire to be loved and wanted, our fear of rejection, anxiety about our own inadequacy, our attitudes to sex and love itself.
Romantic love is wonderful. It is also a mountain of emotional baggage - for everybody. I've gone on about all this - and sorely tried your patience in the process, no doubt - because I'm trying to make it easier for you to step back from your feelings about this girl.
The bald truth is that you've got it wrong. I just hope you can see that this is not unique, or unusual. And it's certainly not the end of the world. We're all stubborn about our perceptions of the world. We slutty looking girls to be, otherwise we could never make a decision, never take an independent step - indeed, never take any action at all. And sometimes that stubbornness renders us blind to mistakes.
Yours is a case in point. This girl flirted with you, asked you to kiss her, and you fell for her. That's all there ever was, a mild flirtation. The first three months were bliss not because you two had a relationship, which you did not, but because you were able to dream, fantasise, avoid the truth for that period. And then, even the considerable power of self-deception couldn't deny reality.
The young woman wasn't in any relationship with you.
She had a boyfriend, worked with you, and that was it. And she went further. She did not want your attention, and made this as clear as she could. I'm not making this up. You've told me yourself. Look at your letter again. The problem is, you had too many emotions invested in this attraction to just accept that you'd made a mistake.
So while you could see that she didn't want you, you continued with what were, effectively, two further fantasies. Firstly, you tried to woo her with birthday presents, attentiveness, persistence. And you refused to take no for an answer.
On the contrary, you got very angry with the girl for not responding. Far from respecting her wishes, you started to feel real hatred of her for daring to say no to you. It's important that you see the emotional mechanism here. You're outraged that your feelings are being slutty looking girls. What you're saying is that you want this girl, so she has to want you, simply has to. An infant might think that. By the time we're three, however, we've learned life's bitter lesson.
We can't always get what we want. And no, that's not a put-down. You know I've often talked about this in the past. We all carry an element of the infant in us. Struggling to overcome it is our life-long attempt at maturity.
Secondly, you started to believe that everything this girl did was directed at you. She flirted, you say, in order to anger you. Rather than looking at your own difficulties about love and life, you're laying it all at the feet of a girl you merely work with, and calling her a demon woman. Your anxiety about rejection, your negative feelings about women, and your frustration because your emotional needs were not being met - all this is now being neatly dumped on this girl. Do you understand? Your notion that she's doing it all to hurt you is a neat psychological mechanism for relieving your despair.Slutty looking girls
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What makes a slut? The only rule, it seems, is being female